Well, I am sad to report that my wedding date-to-be turned out to NOT be. What a blow right in the gut. Right now though, I feel as though I am taking one continous hit in the gut. Yeah, maybe I am having a bit of a pity party for myself, bu. t I can't help it. Not only did my wedding date bail on me, I haven't really heard from him since at all since before the weekend either! We don't get to see each other very often anymore at work because I moved to a different part of the plant we are working at, and I wonder if him showing "interest" in me wasn't more of a convenience thing for him because I was there? Who knows. Actually it seems like the social life I had started to get here in the Butt Crack has seemingly gone down the tubes and is now non-existant. I spend more time in this apartment thinking of things I really shouldn't -- I really can't stand it.
I AM seeing results from the surgery and I am really excited about that! But is it wrong to want to see some results away from the scale? I know others notice the little differences, but will they ever break free from seeing me as the "fat girl" and start to see me as someone else? I am desperately trying to break free from that mindset myself, and maybe some reassurance from others would be helpful with that. Is it wrong to wish for affirmations that would help show me that what I have put myself through in the past couple of months has been worth it?
I was soooo hoping that my wedding date would have been one of those affirmations. I guess I couldn't catch that break. The sad part is, I really did kind of start liking him. Maybe it's just the rebound thing going on, or maybe I am just desperately looking for somewhere else to focus my affections since the person I love shut me out of his life. I don't know though. I view it as trying to move forward...but I need help with that journey. I need some good things to happen along the way. I need someone to see me for person I am, and to show some interest. Is that wrong to wish for?
I am rambling on and on now...so I will shut up. Until next time...
Hello, I found your blog while looking for what to serve a guest who has just had lap band surgery. I think I have a good idea, Thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be a little down and I understand. Perhaps you can think of yourself as the fabulous fat girl as a step on the road to becoming a normal sized girl. With a little bit of energy you can walk into a room and everyone think 'Oh she always looks so nice and put together'. Then as you lose weight (and you will!) the same dialogue will go in in your head and pretty soon you're just the fabulous thin girl.