Ok, Ok... before you go off wondering what the hell I am doing at a drive-through when I am only 19 days post-op, Relax! I didn't get anything and it wasn't for me! So yesterday at work my wedding date-to-be asked me if I wanted to "go hang out with him" last night. I was very skeptical about going because I always seem to be worried about what others will say. For example, he lives by another guy we work with and I just don't want his friends to frown upon him hanging out with the fat chick and say something that may make him not wanna hang out anymore. I KNOW I have to get over that mindset, and I know I am silly for thinking that way, but it seems no matter how deep I try to bury that feeling, it always finds a way to rear its ugly head whenever I am nervous about something. I fought it yesterday though, and decided to go ahead and accept his invitation. After I left work and went to my apartment to freshen up, I sent him a text asking him if we were still on for "hanging out." He told me that we were, but that it would be "just him" because his best friend (the other guy we work with) had a party to go to. I didn't know if he was scared to be alone with me or what -- he never mentioned that his friend was going to be hanging out with us in the first place, so why would I be worried if he wasn't going to be there? How do you take that? I started to worry that maybe he was having second thoughts about inviting me. So I told him that if he still wanted me to come over I would, but that if he didn't I didn't want to be an imposition. He told me to come if I wanted, and that I wasn't a bother, so I went! When I pulled up at his place, he and his other neighbor were out by a picnic table in his yard, so I walked up and was introduced and quickly got over my nervousness because this I realized this is the same guy I joke with on a daily basis at work, what the hell did I have to be nervous about? He has seen me at my most bitchy, he has seen me on a morning with the worst hangover - falling asleep at my desk and damn near drooling on myself. He became friends with me at work because of my personality, so I decided to put that personality to work for me last night.
We sat out by his place (Me, him and his neighbor) talking and looking at some pictures and reminiscing about our younger days. Somehow one conversation turned to another, and he got on a kick talking about the best fast food place he had ever eaten at. It just so happens that place is only located in my home state (Louisiana). How we ended up at the point where we were looking up the location of the nearest one on the GPS system (and calling them to see how late they were open) is beyond me, but next thing I know we are conjuring up a plan to drive 45 minutes away to go to this place for some chicken strips.
The funny part is, I knew I wasn't going to be eating any - I didn't even have the desire to - but I told them I would drive. Both of them had a couple of drinks by that point, and I hadn't a thing. I figured it could only help win points for me with him, right? He was like, "I feel bad, are you sure you don't mind driving that far? You can't even eat it." I told him I didn't mind, and we set off on our grand adventure. All in all, the trip was fun. We talked, we cut up, THEY had chicken. It was kind of adorable actually, he was like a kid in a candy store who was on his way to Disney world. He was so excited about his chicken, he hadn't had any in almost a year!
We drove all the way back to his place, and by that time his best friend was back and waiting for us. I was welcomed by him too, and we all ended up sitting back and talking until almost 2 in the morning. I realized at this point I still had a 45 minute drive back to my apartment and had to be up for work in 2 hours. Somehow I didn't see that working out! His best friend told me to call in and stay out there and hang with them because he was having a barbecue for his wife today. My potential wedding date didn't join in this urging me to stay, so I took that as a hint to go ahead and leave. (I mean, after all, I would have had to stay at his place, and I don't know about all that!) His friend did ask me to come back again today, but I didn't go, because once again that urging wasn't backed up by any invitation from the date. I just didn't want to push things too far, you know? I am pretty sure he had every bit as much fun as I did last night, but I don't want to seem like I am trying to occupy every bit of his free time. I would like to have gone, but I think I made the right choice in not going back today. I did however take his advice and call into work today (which is a good thing because I couldn't get my tail out of bed until noon today!) Staying out that late when you just had surgery weeks before takes a good bit out of you! I just hope I don't get in too much trouble at work for calling in!
I drove home (half falling asleep) and just as I was getting to my apartment, I got a text message from him. Good sign, right? I hope so! Doesn't that at least mean he was thinking about me a little bit even an hour after I left? I hope so! This whole thing just kind of frightens me, because I find that I am liking him more and more. I don't want to get hurt, especially when I am still hurting right now as it is. Ugh! Sometimes I think all of this isn't worth the trouble. LOL
I think things went well, and I think I have some sort of chance, but I am not sure.
I wanted to ask him if he was still going to go to the wedding with me, but I didn't want to ask him that in front of everyone else, and I never got a moment alone with him. Last night wasn't about spending time by myself with him, but I think it went along way to helping things out. We had alot of fun, and I think we connected, but I am not sure just how we connected. I wish I could read him better, but he is a pretty hard damn read!
I find it funny that when I am an outsider on a situation, I am usually an awesome judge of how people feel and what they are thinking, and I can give the best advice. But when it comes to myself, I am a confused pile of mess! I know it has ALOT to do with my self-confidence issues and I am trying my best to work on that, but I just wish I could be as big of a help to myself as I am to others. Isn't it funny the way life works?
Oh, and I am sorry that I didn't talk at all about anything really band related - but I have to say I was impressed about something last night. I wasn't hungry, at all. I didn't desire any of the greasy chicken strips we drove 45 minutes to get (I never really have been a big fan of fast food, though.) I liked that even the smell of the hot, fresh food didn't tempt me one bit. If this is how things are going to continue to be, I think I am going to really like it! YAYY me! =o)
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