The Beginning of the Journey...

Well, here I am doing something that I attempted to do on myspace once...Blog! I had fun writing the nonsense that I posted on the now antiquated site, so I figured I would give the blogspot a try. This time, however, I decided to make the blog a little more personal. Since I am on my own in a place I refer to as the "butt-crack" of the country (for work reasons...I wouldn't wish this place on myself for any other reason), I guess this can be my way of "talking" to someone without actually "talking." I can sit here in my apartment for hours on end talking to myself, but I find that I talk back and I end up arguing and questioning my own sanity. Understand where I come from yet? I need this outlet to vent, to express my feelings, and to just get out some of my rediculous banter. I also have an alterior motive in my writing. You see, I recently (VERY recently) decided to open a new chapter in my life. I guess that is what I would call it...it could actually be closing one book of my life and starting a new one. Whichever way I refer to it, there is definitely a HUGE change in my life on the horizon. Two weeks ago tomorrow, I underwent gastric banding surgery. I have struggled with my weight my entire life, and I finally had enough of the ups and downs of dieting. I actually had lost over 100 lbs in the past four years, but got stuck in a rut for the past year and couldn't seem to get my weight down even further. During that first successful weight loss journey, I did learn that the only person I was losing weight for was myself. I had the motivation, and the desire to be a healthier person. I had learned from past failed diet attempts that if you are doing it to try to win someone over, you aren't going to succeed. It has to be something you do for yourself! With that knowledge in hand, I decided to dig myself out of the rut I was in by looking into the Band surgery. I have to tell you that I am one of the BIGGEST chickens you will ever meet when it comes to anything having to do with Doctors, Hospitals, Needles, Tourniquets, etc... So for me to face some of my worst fears and actually go through with this surgery is nothing short of a miracle. The surgery actually wasn't as bad as my fears had made it out to be...I did just fine. Here it's two weeks post-op, and I am already down an additional 10 lbs from the date of the surgery, and feeling great (other than a little soreness). I have a great outlook on my future! Funny thing is, other parts of my life aren't going the way I would like them to go right now. The week before my surgery, the person I love the most decided he needed some "time" to figure himself out. The worst part about that is he was my best friend, my confidant...the person I turned to when I was scared, angry, sad or just in need of a reassuring word. I contemplated backing out of the surgery because I was scared -- and I didn't have him there to tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I made it through, without him. I made it through on my own. I know if I can do that, I can do anything. Sure, I miss him...but I have to carry on for myself. I had to do this for ME. So I find myself writing this blog tonight, embarking on a new journey. A journey of weight loss, self-discovery, and of learning to love myself. I hope I don't bore you too much, and I hope somewhere along my journey I find some like-minded individuals who understand what I am going through and can offer direction along the way.